Tuesday, March 27, 2007
oh man argh!!!!!!!! i'm so grumpy todae man... so tired.... sun nite studied till mon morning for cktcs paper den went to sch for ocp project went over to relax den study again... it's been a long time long time since i last put in so much effort to study oh man!!!! no more supp promise ar!!!!
going crazy stress!!!! i think i have grown 13 billion more white hair.... on the way to growing old!!!
eh wanna noe wadz the most funny part... when i'm so stressed i went o close my eyes for a while... after tt... haha bla!!! 1 hr past just like tt and i felt much better but argh!!! slpy!!! during the short rest it was the old memories of my whole complete family when we were young abt 12 yrs ago...
so comforting... miss mum alot... of cos dun nid to say
mum's asking mi to stop sacing !!!! haha
hmm cktcs and net fund total screwed up and pe drive sux!!!! so many formulas.... i think i better go to bill gates to ask him to help install for mi an external drive ttwill be much better lol
ok la... ah lim now slping
long now cray over pe drive i ??? decided to blog and relax ok la.... time's up!
chao!!!!
deS.mAtT
going crazy stress!!!! i think i have grown 13 billion more white hair.... on the way to growing old!!!
eh wanna noe wadz the most funny part... when i'm so stressed i went o close my eyes for a while... after tt... haha bla!!! 1 hr past just like tt and i felt much better but argh!!! slpy!!! during the short rest it was the old memories of my whole complete family when we were young abt 12 yrs ago...
so comforting... miss mum alot... of cos dun nid to say
mum's asking mi to stop sacing !!!! haha
hmm cktcs and net fund total screwed up and pe drive sux!!!! so many formulas.... i think i better go to bill gates to ask him to help install for mi an external drive ttwill be much better lol
ok la... ah lim now slping
long now cray over pe drive i ??? decided to blog and relax ok la.... time's up!
chao!!!!
deS.mAtT
friendsforever;
7:00 AM
7:00 AM
Friday, March 23, 2007
oops i guess i have a fan for my blog .... nahz just joking....
hmmm since 15 march nothing much had happen ...
since 15 march i have been in the OCP(overseas community project) team, we are preparing for the trip. this trip doesn't seem much, but because we all wanna make sure that all things are done... erm swee swee! haha dunno wad other words to use.so we are trying to emphasize on perfection though nothin is perfect but at least we are one step closer to being perfect and other cases; lesser problem.My post??? well nothing much of a significance right?!??!??
all we just need to do is to focus on the project and help one another in our different post and departments.
We'll be going over to cambodia to install solar lamps which is one major and the others would be bonding with the kids there, teaching them english, and training them to be self efficient next time. why are we doing this ? haha good qn asked. VOLUNTEER that's the word! i guess.. and moreover the village we will be going and the place we will be is an ORPHANAGE yeap yeap yeap.... flying off on the 16th april 07
yup yup... that's it...
stopped work for some time awww that's like so sad la... the only times when i keep my mind off things are esp working... u know... working for the money but at the same time passion ??? yea? i carn deny that i have had lotsa fun other at my workplace... 22nd march, anniversary of my workplace 1000 pax function but well i have to take off due to exams.... it's a graded supp if u wonder why of all times now have exams for a poly mate? lol... well tt period i wasn't ready for exams and now i'm burning midnight oil to study 23rd march hardest paper... atomic bomb gosh....stress level is rising so hot!!
brain's bursting, too many things on my mind . dad told me to keep cool and focus so did MTT(gvss), ANDY KWEK, MR FOO and other lecturers like my org com tutor and net fund tutor. dad said the school helped mi and gave mi a chance so i must not disappoint any one... yup yup..
so sad that now diane is not staying with us and looks like have to fight for custody it's like WTF!? she's my sis and they wanna fight custody ?? it's wth la, we bros and sis should be staying together not with some fu ck up idiots..mind my words sorry!!
am so tired even though i have been slping alot haha...
when i went back to mum's place, i saw her, but only for a glance and glimpse if i spell it correctly...miss mum so much... but not to the extend of tearing btw i dun cry, but the tears flow more than when others cry... special hur! lol
oh ya like to thanks many ppl hu have been standing by my side
hmmm
hmmmh
hmmm
DAD
DIANE
DA GE
wei zhi
da jiu
my darling honey sweetie pie LING
lincoln
simon
zi yang
jian rong
jia jian
hao
zhi sheng
jia yong
zi qi
church friends
best friends
pri.s. friends
sec sch and
poly!
yea
oh ya and a passer by
.........................................
just wanna let u guys noe tt i'm fine i guess
i seriously dunno if i'm fine haha
gtg have to study not planning to slp 14 hrs more to go!
your regards
dEs.mAtT™
contact:67773777, 999 or 995
thanks..............................................................................................................
hmmm since 15 march nothing much had happen ...
since 15 march i have been in the OCP(overseas community project) team, we are preparing for the trip. this trip doesn't seem much, but because we all wanna make sure that all things are done... erm swee swee! haha dunno wad other words to use.so we are trying to emphasize on perfection though nothin is perfect but at least we are one step closer to being perfect and other cases; lesser problem.My post??? well nothing much of a significance right?!??!??
all we just need to do is to focus on the project and help one another in our different post and departments.
We'll be going over to cambodia to install solar lamps which is one major and the others would be bonding with the kids there, teaching them english, and training them to be self efficient next time. why are we doing this ? haha good qn asked. VOLUNTEER that's the word! i guess.. and moreover the village we will be going and the place we will be is an ORPHANAGE yeap yeap yeap.... flying off on the 16th april 07
yup yup... that's it...
stopped work for some time awww that's like so sad la... the only times when i keep my mind off things are esp working... u know... working for the money but at the same time passion ??? yea? i carn deny that i have had lotsa fun other at my workplace... 22nd march, anniversary of my workplace 1000 pax function but well i have to take off due to exams.... it's a graded supp if u wonder why of all times now have exams for a poly mate? lol... well tt period i wasn't ready for exams and now i'm burning midnight oil to study 23rd march hardest paper... atomic bomb gosh....stress level is rising so hot!!
brain's bursting, too many things on my mind . dad told me to keep cool and focus so did MTT(gvss), ANDY KWEK, MR FOO and other lecturers like my org com tutor and net fund tutor. dad said the school helped mi and gave mi a chance so i must not disappoint any one... yup yup..
so sad that now diane is not staying with us and looks like have to fight for custody it's like WTF!? she's my sis and they wanna fight custody ?? it's wth la, we bros and sis should be staying together not with some fu ck up idiots..mind my words sorry!!
am so tired even though i have been slping alot haha...
when i went back to mum's place, i saw her, but only for a glance and glimpse if i spell it correctly...miss mum so much... but not to the extend of tearing btw i dun cry, but the tears flow more than when others cry... special hur! lol
oh ya like to thanks many ppl hu have been standing by my side
hmmm
hmmmh
hmmm
DAD
DIANE
DA GE
wei zhi
da jiu
my darling honey sweetie pie LING
lincoln
simon
zi yang
jian rong
jia jian
hao
zhi sheng
jia yong
zi qi
church friends
best friends
pri.s. friends
sec sch and
poly!
yea
oh ya and a passer by
.........................................
just wanna let u guys noe tt i'm fine i guess
i seriously dunno if i'm fine haha
gtg have to study not planning to slp 14 hrs more to go!
your regards
dEs.mAtT™
contact:67773777, 999 or 995
thanks..............................................................................................................
friendsforever;
2:16 AM
2:16 AM
Thursday, March 15, 2007
RECOVERY STAGE & memories
i dunno how to start but well, keeping things in my hearts seems to slow me down alot.
20/02/2007 mum passed away, 11:50am ... when i just woke up from a dream with mum saying good bye to me... sadness filled my heart as if a a million ton have been tied to my heart that sunk me down greatly into in the endless depth of the ocean. My heart and life have been shattered, as if a trillion people stomping on it that can never end. i feel so sad i never get to speak to mum since january, i wanna cry but i dunno how...
everyday for that period of time i school, i worked, and i went over to the hospice to take care of mum, massage her cos she loves my massage the most, kiss her goodnite and good morning, feed her. but now fuck it , fuck everything!!!
i carn do them anymore.
all these days no matter how strong am i, i keep on thinking of the past. Not the happy times, but the times i made her sad, cry and worried for me. i can never forget how i shouted at mum till she broke down and cry face to face. i can never forget how i shout at her on the fone till she cried none stop. i can never forget the times when i focused too much on basketball, work, polo and studies till i din managed to fork out the time to visit mum and make her happy... she's always so sad that i wasn't there to accompany her, she was always so sad when the adults scolded me for not visiting mum. MUM told me before to do what i need to do because she understand but deep down in her heart she was feeling a sadness that none could feel. MUM i really do miss u, i'm always thinking of you, i'm always regret that i couldn't spend time with you properly and happily.
after mum passed away the entire wake and funeral, i was slping next to her coffin, burning joss paper for her, pray to her, look at her in the coffin. she looked so sad. MUM i'm really sorry for what i have done. i wanna hear your voice again so badly, so so so badly mum. i wanna see your smses " my darling son are u ok? wan meet ? mummy loves and misses u alot." but i always forgot to reply her sms or either replied i'm busy... i wan mum to cook for me herbal tea which i have always hated, i wanna mum to nag at me to eat well slp well, work less, take care of my health, mum i wanna take the bus with u, and stroll thru the beach which u always love. mum pls come back. mummy i really cannot bear to leave u. i promise i will never show my temper again.\Life never seem the same again, i feel so lonely without mummy, i bet da ge and diane feel the same way. damn i', tearing like a baby man. so stupid and childish.
24/02/2002 mum was cremated,, before that i was consoling everyone not to cry becos mum dislike ppl to cry cos she feels so sad... after she was cremated, after i walked out... i cried so badly... really badly... mummy i will mis u so much u noe...
when i was at the wake i could feel and dream mum wanna talk to me, take care of me. i knew mum was there for me seeing me slp... till now i still carn slp...
alot of people offer their time to accompany me and have a chat with them, it's not i dun wan ppls .. it's just that it seems so hard for me to talk about anything.
indochine sux, work over there sux. But mum wish was for me to do well in life, i will stay on so as to fulfil her wish.
mummy i love u... the 3 of us love u dearly...
loves desmond matthew
cai jie ming
.........
........... . . . . . . . . . . .
i dunno how to start but well, keeping things in my hearts seems to slow me down alot.
20/02/2007 mum passed away, 11:50am ... when i just woke up from a dream with mum saying good bye to me... sadness filled my heart as if a a million ton have been tied to my heart that sunk me down greatly into in the endless depth of the ocean. My heart and life have been shattered, as if a trillion people stomping on it that can never end. i feel so sad i never get to speak to mum since january, i wanna cry but i dunno how...
everyday for that period of time i school, i worked, and i went over to the hospice to take care of mum, massage her cos she loves my massage the most, kiss her goodnite and good morning, feed her. but now fuck it , fuck everything!!!
i carn do them anymore.
all these days no matter how strong am i, i keep on thinking of the past. Not the happy times, but the times i made her sad, cry and worried for me. i can never forget how i shouted at mum till she broke down and cry face to face. i can never forget how i shout at her on the fone till she cried none stop. i can never forget the times when i focused too much on basketball, work, polo and studies till i din managed to fork out the time to visit mum and make her happy... she's always so sad that i wasn't there to accompany her, she was always so sad when the adults scolded me for not visiting mum. MUM told me before to do what i need to do because she understand but deep down in her heart she was feeling a sadness that none could feel. MUM i really do miss u, i'm always thinking of you, i'm always regret that i couldn't spend time with you properly and happily.
after mum passed away the entire wake and funeral, i was slping next to her coffin, burning joss paper for her, pray to her, look at her in the coffin. she looked so sad. MUM i'm really sorry for what i have done. i wanna hear your voice again so badly, so so so badly mum. i wanna see your smses " my darling son are u ok? wan meet ? mummy loves and misses u alot." but i always forgot to reply her sms or either replied i'm busy... i wan mum to cook for me herbal tea which i have always hated, i wanna mum to nag at me to eat well slp well, work less, take care of my health, mum i wanna take the bus with u, and stroll thru the beach which u always love. mum pls come back. mummy i really cannot bear to leave u. i promise i will never show my temper again.\Life never seem the same again, i feel so lonely without mummy, i bet da ge and diane feel the same way. damn i', tearing like a baby man. so stupid and childish.
24/02/2002 mum was cremated,, before that i was consoling everyone not to cry becos mum dislike ppl to cry cos she feels so sad... after she was cremated, after i walked out... i cried so badly... really badly... mummy i will mis u so much u noe...
when i was at the wake i could feel and dream mum wanna talk to me, take care of me. i knew mum was there for me seeing me slp... till now i still carn slp...
alot of people offer their time to accompany me and have a chat with them, it's not i dun wan ppls .. it's just that it seems so hard for me to talk about anything.
indochine sux, work over there sux. But mum wish was for me to do well in life, i will stay on so as to fulfil her wish.
mummy i love u... the 3 of us love u dearly...
loves desmond matthew
cai jie ming
.........
........... . . . . . . . . . . .
friendsforever;
3:34 AM
3:34 AM