4th june 08

when all i wanted was to chill, and have fun chatting with shaiful. the bar got slammed with plenty of orders but this time, it's bar orders. i've got cust standing by the bar ordering their drinks none stop and tt gave my work some thrill... it's like finally. i enjoyed working seriously though it was a little tiring but time seemed to passed so fast. by the time i take a look for time. it was already 2:30. finished work at 3am, went home bathed and changed. preparing to slp but somehow , i couldn't slp at all. seriously it sux, it seems like i had slept for hours but in fact it was onli an hour plus since i dozed off, for some unexplained factors, i couldn't sleep at all, i woke up feeling sad. a feeling tt hadn't came by for a very long long time. decided to have a walk and breather take a slow walk down to the coffeeshop. thought of having something light and chill.

who who was it that i met. a very old time neighbour uncle, dated back a whole solid tough 12 yrs back when my parents divorced and had the flat sold. we were so happy to see each other after a year plus(since mum's wake ) . he left shortly after.

wildly thoughts started invading my mind NONE STOP . how i wish i could live back tt memory when i was a child going to neighbours hse to play enjoy n have some undeniable fun ?? how i wish i could have stop my parents from divorce. how i wish i could do something so that mum wouldn't pass away ? i wish mum alot, my siblings ALOT. where there are ppl who have a complete family yet they do not appreciate . both parents alive yet they think life's tough for them n they gave up, siblings to be ard them most of the time, yet whinning away to outsiders abt how bad they were, why do ppl who have everything whine and whine, when there are ppl yearning for it.

i carn find words to express how much i really want it to happen. i would only say i gladly give my life up for my family to stay as a whole. how i wish to have tt FAMILY once more. it is so devastating . i dunno to cry or to laugh.

right now i feel as though my heart have been so shattered, as though a piece of glass fell from a point so high, it broke into pieces so fine tt can be hardly seen , n being rampange upon by a hugh stampede . it sucks. it's so hard sometime to stop my tears from flowing, but i told myself i have to be strong =)

but i do thank GOD for everything, he must have put us thru all this hardship so as to be stronger . i THANK HIM =) ( BLESSING IN DISGUISE )... if never for all this, would i have been wad i'm if those tt i had asked for were granted to me ? I DOUBT SO...


i miss baby alot , i'm so afraid she would leave me someday , she's so nice, so sweet , loving , caring etc etc (if i could i would say she score a 10 apoint 10). but no one's perfect but nvm she's near to perfect , a 9.5/10.

i'm not richer compare to her previous
i'm not sweeter compare to her previous
i'm not kinder compare to her previous
i'm not as free compare to her previous
i'm not as lovely compare to her previous

BUT....

for sure

I LOVE HER MORE THAN HER PREVIOUS

friendsforever;
7:15 AM