Friday, February 26, 2010
i'm feeling extremely down for the past weeks ....
negative feelings all day long
i can't seem to take it anymore
i ain't able to keep my cool anymore
esp the past 5 months since i got in here
i really hate this place
all this years no matter what i did, i've never been appreciated .
it only came back with negative feed backs , back stabs etc
i've been doing shit here for the past 5 months , and seriously ,
i learnt nothing . nothing at all to apply when i get post to my unit
while i'm doing shit loads in the dark quietly ... others are claiming credits in the lime light
denied of chances to outshine .
goodness sake , i'm a regular yet i'm only given 1 fuking appt thru out
yet others get plently of appts ...field appt/ admin etc ... to prove their worth .
it's ok . leave the sword out.
i've been practising and learning for the place as a parade commander for my commissioning parade , i brushed up on my commands and drills .
yet when our sir came today and ask the platoon who's still in the run for the parade commander, my name wasn't mention. i feel so transparent
why do everyone have to always look down on me... the fuking things i do .
i ain't any lousier than them, i'm pretty sure of it. pretty sure ....
is it because i wasn't in this wing from the start ? and got posted here from sierra after service term ? and cos i ain't from jc too ?
i've been feeling so lonely ... so emotional... negative ...disappointed ... sad..
my threshold have depleted alot ... simple things piss me off
i've reached the lowest pt of my life again ...
i wonder when will it get better again???
what should i do ?
what can i do ?
who on earth will understand how i feel, right now ?
negative feelings all day long
i can't seem to take it anymore
i ain't able to keep my cool anymore
esp the past 5 months since i got in here
i really hate this place
all this years no matter what i did, i've never been appreciated .
it only came back with negative feed backs , back stabs etc
i've been doing shit here for the past 5 months , and seriously ,
i learnt nothing . nothing at all to apply when i get post to my unit
while i'm doing shit loads in the dark quietly ... others are claiming credits in the lime light
denied of chances to outshine .
goodness sake , i'm a regular yet i'm only given 1 fuking appt thru out
yet others get plently of appts ...field appt/ admin etc ... to prove their worth .
it's ok . leave the sword out.
i've been practising and learning for the place as a parade commander for my commissioning parade , i brushed up on my commands and drills .
yet when our sir came today and ask the platoon who's still in the run for the parade commander, my name wasn't mention. i feel so transparent
why do everyone have to always look down on me... the fuking things i do .
i ain't any lousier than them, i'm pretty sure of it. pretty sure ....
is it because i wasn't in this wing from the start ? and got posted here from sierra after service term ? and cos i ain't from jc too ?
i've been feeling so lonely ... so emotional... negative ...disappointed ... sad..
my threshold have depleted alot ... simple things piss me off
i've reached the lowest pt of my life again ...
i wonder when will it get better again???
what should i do ?
what can i do ?
who on earth will understand how i feel, right now ?
friendsforever;
9:49 PM
9:49 PM
Monday, February 22, 2010
came back on sunday morning from confinement and decided to make a trip to church met wei yi for movie
and waited for dad to be back so that i can use the car =/
picked ben down to his place as he was late , we were gonna ball at yishun anyway
too long since we played ball, hence ? we lost terribly lol... but it was fun playing ball again as a team ...
good old days
had dinner with wei yi while ben was home eating dinner with family
emilynn suddenly texted me that "hope u have a good dinner later"
was shocked, happy, delighted! :) ... cos i have been waiting for her text for a long long time ... i miss her :(
i wonder if her eyes' alright ? i wonder if she resting well , i'm wondering everything about her . i hope she changes her mind and take me back. and have a fresh start . And this time no more temper and will be replaced by conversation ... miscommunication was the key failure besides my temper ...
i hope GOD grant my wishes ..
for emilynn and i
for dad to get a place ... our home (4 room flat :))
hope dad will have no more pains and have proper rest when he needs .
and hope some wealth will roll in to help us out (toto ? will give it a shot )
i miss u emilynn
i love u a hell lot
i love u dad
i love my siblings
i love u all :D
DES.MATT
and waited for dad to be back so that i can use the car =/
picked ben down to his place as he was late , we were gonna ball at yishun anyway
too long since we played ball, hence ? we lost terribly lol... but it was fun playing ball again as a team ...
good old days
had dinner with wei yi while ben was home eating dinner with family
emilynn suddenly texted me that "hope u have a good dinner later"
was shocked, happy, delighted! :) ... cos i have been waiting for her text for a long long time ... i miss her :(
i wonder if her eyes' alright ? i wonder if she resting well , i'm wondering everything about her . i hope she changes her mind and take me back. and have a fresh start . And this time no more temper and will be replaced by conversation ... miscommunication was the key failure besides my temper ...
i hope GOD grant my wishes ..
for emilynn and i
for dad to get a place ... our home (4 room flat :))
hope dad will have no more pains and have proper rest when he needs .
and hope some wealth will roll in to help us out (toto ? will give it a shot )
i miss u emilynn
i love u a hell lot
i love u dad
i love my siblings
i love u all :D
DES.MATT
friendsforever;
5:50 AM
5:50 AM
Saturday, February 20, 2010
months have past and comms parade seems to be closer everyday...
i'm amazed by how fast time flies , it seems only only days back that i was enlisted .
it seems just a week back, that i got together with her . and seem only ytd that we broke up.no matter how things seems to be/improve , it only gets worst in the end .
yes yes , i do miss her. who wouldn't ? i mean, when u have had such a loving gf yea yea?
oh well, it has all gone . ALL GONE , she told me... she will never come back.
for the past 4 months ben had been working, it seems like he's des.matt no.2 , miss my brother so much .we hardly had time to talk , let alone out to dance or have a few rounds of drinks. alcohol makes the world go round .
hadn't met 'HIA DI' for sometime too , our timings had always clashed for some reasons or another ...
everyone has different way of life now .
one would prefer thai disco
one would prefer chinese pub at boat quay
the other would prefer clubbing
and the last would prefer some chill slack place
for me ? things goes according to my mood
seeing those around me celebrating their very own birthday
i wonder how's mine gonna be like ?
will it be like theirs ? fun, enjoyable, with lots of ppl coming by to enjoy together and make the birthday girl/boy happy ?
or will it be another day out alone by the park or at work ?
i wonder when would things reach for the better ?
i can't do it alone.
lonely lonely lonely ...
i miss ma life!
GUARDS conversion should be in brunei this coming april i guess ...
i hope life will be better when i graduate from course ... ha...
I DUNNO WHAT I WANNA IN LIFE ANY 'O' MORE ....
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
i'm amazed by how fast time flies , it seems only only days back that i was enlisted .
it seems just a week back, that i got together with her . and seem only ytd that we broke up.no matter how things seems to be/improve , it only gets worst in the end .
yes yes , i do miss her. who wouldn't ? i mean, when u have had such a loving gf yea yea?
oh well, it has all gone . ALL GONE , she told me... she will never come back.
for the past 4 months ben had been working, it seems like he's des.matt no.2 , miss my brother so much .we hardly had time to talk , let alone out to dance or have a few rounds of drinks. alcohol makes the world go round .
hadn't met 'HIA DI' for sometime too , our timings had always clashed for some reasons or another ...
everyone has different way of life now .
one would prefer thai disco
one would prefer chinese pub at boat quay
the other would prefer clubbing
and the last would prefer some chill slack place
for me ? things goes according to my mood
seeing those around me celebrating their very own birthday
i wonder how's mine gonna be like ?
will it be like theirs ? fun, enjoyable, with lots of ppl coming by to enjoy together and make the birthday girl/boy happy ?
or will it be another day out alone by the park or at work ?
i wonder when would things reach for the better ?
i can't do it alone.
lonely lonely lonely ...
i miss ma life!
GUARDS conversion should be in brunei this coming april i guess ...
i hope life will be better when i graduate from course ... ha...
I DUNNO WHAT I WANNA IN LIFE ANY 'O' MORE ....
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Go easy on my conscience
'Cause it's not my fault
I know I've been taught
To take the blame
Rest assured my angels
Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here
I'm in pain
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doing all I can
To be a better man
Once you've found that lover
You're homeward bound
Love is all around
Love is all around
I know some have fallen
On stony ground
But Love is all around
Send someone to love me
I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm
In pouring rain
Give me endless summer
Lord I fear the cold
Feel I'm getting old
Before my time
As my soul heals the shame
I will grow through this pain
Lord I'm doin' all I can
To be a better man
friendsforever;
10:34 PM
10:34 PM