i'm feeling extremely down for the past weeks ....
negative feelings all day long
i can't seem to take it anymore
i ain't able to keep my cool anymore

esp the past 5 months since i got in here
i really hate this place


all this years no matter what i did, i've never been appreciated .
it only came back with negative feed backs , back stabs etc

i've been doing shit here for the past 5 months , and seriously ,
i learnt nothing . nothing at all to apply when i get post to my unit
while i'm doing shit loads in the dark quietly ... others are claiming credits in the lime light
denied of chances to outshine .
goodness sake , i'm a regular yet i'm only given 1 fuking appt thru out
yet others get plently of appts ...field appt/ admin etc ... to prove their worth .
it's ok . leave the sword out.

i've been practising and learning for the place as a parade commander for my commissioning parade , i brushed up on my commands and drills .
yet when our sir came today and ask the platoon who's still in the run for the parade commander, my name wasn't mention. i feel so transparent

why do everyone have to always look down on me... the fuking things i do .
i ain't any lousier than them, i'm pretty sure of it. pretty sure ....
is it because i wasn't in this wing from the start ? and got posted here from sierra after service term ? and cos i ain't from jc too ?

i've been feeling so lonely ... so emotional... negative ...disappointed ... sad..
my threshold have depleted alot ... simple things piss me off
i've reached the lowest pt of my life again ...
i wonder when will it get better again???
what should i do ?
what can i do ?


who on earth will understand how i feel, right now ?

friendsforever;
9:49 PM